By J.D. Barker, September 17, 2024 in Autism Parenting Magazine
I was born in 1971. I was reading by age three and doing complex math by age six. Yet I sat alone on the school bus, in school, and at lunch. I spoke to no one unless I had no choice. If I “played” with other kids at recess, I didn’t find joy in it. I only did it because it was expected.
I’d laugh at jokes not because I found them funny but because those around me laughed. My laugh wasn’t genuine and always came later than it should. I hoped no one noticed, even though I knew they all did.
Growing up on the spectrum
This is what it’s like to be an autistic child surrounded by those who are not. This is what it’s like to grow up on the spectrum without knowing what that is.
The 1970s are known for many things, but identifying and treating such conditions is not something you’ll find on any “best of” list. If you were autistic in the 70s, you were the “weird” kid, the one shunned by children and adults alike. This didn’t change much in the 80s or 90s.
I grew up in a bubble. I wasn’t diagnosed until the age of 22. At that point, I’d earned several degrees and found employment. These were problems to be solved, and I did. Leaving a problem unsolved was not an option for me. Unfortunately, I couldn’t solve the problem of interaction.
Relating with others
I didn’t understand others. I couldn’t relate. Most conversations ended in frustration for all involved. One such conversation ended in shouts between my boss and me. Frankly, he should have fired me. To his credit, he didn’t. However, he did require me to seek therapy for anger management.
During my first session, the therapist paused after about 20 minutes of questions. She rested her hands in her lap and simply asked, “Have you ever been tested for autism?”
A diagnosis and moving forward
I eventually learned that my therapist spent the bulk of her day working with autistic kids, and my lack of eye contact, responses, and general demeanour all set off bells for her. I told her I had not. Aside from a Tom Cruise movie, I’d never heard the term. After that, there were tests. Many tests.
Our time together led to a diagnosis of Asperger’s. This was followed by years of treatment. That helped me understand my first 22 years on this planet and how to function better in the years to come.
I learned why I liked to be alone and why I didn’t like to be touched. I learned why jokes didn’t make me laugh. I learned why and how I was different and how to embrace it.
In 2011, I met the most incredible woman. In 2014, we were married.
I know this is a parenting magazine, and I apologize for the backstory. However, I feel it’s important you understand my history before we talk about the future.
In understanding my diagnosis and pursuing and working through treatment, I was able to find normalcy. I was able to find and make a life for myself. All of this came after I was diagnosed, and I often wondered where I’d be if I hadn’t stepped into the therapist’s office that day.
Success and superpowers
I’ve had successful careers in finance, IT, and writing. I’m a New York Times bestselling author with books in over 150 countries and 23 languages. I credit all of these things to being diagnosed.
My wife regularly calls my tenacity and drive a superpower. For me, writing a book is no different than writing computer code. No different than untangling the complexities of the finance world.
All these things are nothing more than puzzles to be solved, something at which people with autism tend to excel. Superpowers.
For the past two decades, I’ve met with the parents of autistic children, some as young as two, and told them my story.
Helping others with autism
It can be difficult to learn that your child is on the spectrum, but learning it at such a young age is a blessing, partly because it’s not all bad.
When I speak to parents, I tell them this. I’m proof there is light at the end of their diagnosis. Through treatment and therapy, their child with autism can thrive. Their child can discover their superpower, hone it, and even surpass it.
In 2017, my wife gave birth to our first child, an incredible little girl who is now six and growing into the woman she will become. I like to think she has the best of both my wife and me.
Before she was born, I was often asked if I worried she might be autistic. My wife heard it a lot, too. It’s hereditary, after all. The answer to that was always “No.”
When the first signs of autism appeared at around 18 months, my wife and I didn’t fear it. We embraced it. We found proper support. We helped our little girl find her superpowers, and she amazes me every day.
Seek help and support
I spent 22 years in the dark. In today’s world, that doesn’t have to happen. Learning your child might be on the spectrum can be a daunting, scary thing, but it doesn’t have to be.
Take the time to talk to professionals and get guidance and help. You’ll find that all puzzles have a solution. I think you’ll also discover that your child has all the tools they need to navigate those waters. Nobody has to do this alone anymore.